Article

Why Do Children Get Hurt by Parents’ Love?

One day, I saw a picture in which a child was carrying a very big schoolbag when I was viewing web pages. Apparently, the heavy schoolbag showed the child’s great pressure of study. What’s more, on the schoolbag sat the parents of the child. Of course, the point was not the child really carrying the parents, it aimed to symbolize the pressure from the parents. And surprisingly, the parents were weaving black lines above the child’s head, which I thought referred to manipulating the child’s thinking. How can a little child bear such pressure?

Then, I remembered an old saying, “Bury yourself in the classics and ignore what is going on beyond your immediate surroundings.” I also remembered some present sayings, such as “A little learning is a dangerous thing,” and “Knowledge changes fate.” With such views, parents believe it is the priority among priorities that their children can be well-educated. Therefore, no matter rich or poor, parents enroll their children in all kinds of tutoring centers to cultivate their children’s hobbies and interests for a promising future—it can be said parents prefer to give all they have, regardless of the cost. And they all think that it is for their children’s good and that it is true love for them. However, is it really the case?

One day, I went to pick up my child from school and heard a parent saying, “My child will go to the tutoring center to learn English after school.” Another parent asked, “So when will your child finish homework?” “Alas! You can hardly imagine it. It will be 7 or 8 pm when he comes back from the English class. After supper, he has to do the homework. He won’t go to bed until 10 or 11 pm. Sometimes, the child is so sleepy that I have to supervise him to finish his homework. Alas! Frankly speaking, it’s really tough going for the child.” Then another parent said, “Yes, but even so, he has to learn. Otherwise, what will the child be able to do without knowledge in the future? Now the competition is too fierce, so he has to study.”

Though all parents know that their children are too tired, in order for their children not to lose at the starting line, they have to increase their children’s workloads and enroll them to interest classes, which puts their children under big pressure every day. Even if their hearts ache for their children, they still believe that as long as it can bring their children a promising future, it’s worth of their children enduring hardship. So parents are aching for their children’s working hard while being prompt to ask their children to learn more. This is especially true for those parents that are less wealthy. They put more pressure on their children because they believe it is the only way to change their children’s fate. They would rather spend all their savings to afford their children’s education, and provide their children with chances that might change fate. Thus, the children have to go from a tutorial class to a tutorial class, or submerge themselves in reading in bookstores. They don’t have any joy at the age that should have been innocent. Childishness and innocence are something that they may aspire to but can never attain.

I’m a teacher of a tutorial class. I often hear children say, “I only hope that my dad and mom could spend more time with me, instead of just leaving me alone in the tutorial class,” “My childhood is black,” “I’m too tired,” “I wish I were a bird, so I could fly freely,” … I truly feel their inner helplessness and fear in the face of great study pressure. Children are busy with heavy workloads every day, and even on weekends which should be time for relaxing, they have to rush around attending the tutorial classes to improve themselves in English, eloquence, music, art, and so on. Children are just like machines, who need to switch states at any time and get ready quickly. Parents’ love brings invisible pressure to the young hearts, which makes me wonder: What are children to parents? The apples of parents’ eye? Or the sacrifices made to fulfill parents’ desire? Look at the children in tutorial classes. At such a young age, some of them are near-sighted, and some have fingers that are distorted. Having no innocent smiles on their faces, they look dull and helpless. Seeing this, I couldn’t help feeling sad. How could parent’s love hurt their children so much? What makes it so?

One day, I read God’s words saying: “Satan uses knowledge as bait. Listen closely: It is just a type of bait. People are enticed to ‘study hard and improve every day,’ to arm themselves with knowledge, as with a weapon, then to use knowledge to open the gateway to science; in other words, the more knowledge you gain, the more you will understand. Satan tells people all this. Satan tells people to foster lofty ideals as well, at the same time as they are learning knowledge, telling them to have ambitions and ideals. Unbeknownst to people, Satan conveys many messages like this, causing people to unconsciously feel that these things are correct, or beneficial. Unknowingly, people walk this kind of road, unknowingly led onward by their own ideals and ambitions. … Seduced by Satan, they unknowingly walk the road it has prepared for them. As they walk this road, they are forced to accept Satan’s rules of living. Unknowingly and themselves completely unaware, they develop their own rules of living, when these are nothing more than Satan’s rules forcefully instilled in them.

God’s words expose the root of these questions. It results from our wrong principles of existence instilled in us by Satan. Driven by these principles, we believe that only through studying hard and having high cultural knowledge, can children have good jobs and prospects. Otherwise, they are nothing but people of lower class. People often say “Those who toil with their minds govern others, and those who toil with their hands are governed by others.” With these thoughts, we all believe that in this constantly progressing age, if man wants to survive, he must always make great efforts. Therefore, in order to make their children have a good future, and not lose at the starting line, parents unceasingly exert pressure on their children since childhood, and do their utmost to train their children to acquire a lot of knowledge. They want to change their children’s fate by knowledge, enabling them to have an inch of land to stand in the society. When parents impose these heavy burdens on their children, actually it makes their children bear an invisible shackle, which deprives their children of a happy childhood and brings great pains to them. As a result, with such “love” of parents, some children couldn’t withstand the heavy burden and took drastic actions, which resulted in many tragedies.

I couldn’t help remembering that my younger brother once said about the misfortune of a child who lived in near his house: The child’s parents forced him to study, which gave him a lot of pressure. The child requested his parents again and again, “I’m too tired. May I sleep for a while?” However, his parents refused. Thus, the child committed suicide by jumping off the building. I also recalled the case of my friend’s child. He suffered from depression and autism caused by the great pressure of study. Before long, I saw an article on the Internet: A father forced his child to study and gave his child too much pressure. After talking with his father, the child not only failed to be understood by his father, but was treated with violence. In the end, the child took drastic action—he killed his father with a knife. I also saw a story in a legal channel on TV: A girl of 16 who couldn’t withstand the study pressure from her parents ran away from home, and joined the pyramid selling, thus walking onto a road of crime. Such cases aren’t rare and often can be seen on the Internet and TV, but such miserable facts don’t awaken us. Many parents are still dreaming that knowledge will change the fate of their children, constantly exerting various pressure on their children.

We can’t help but ask: Can knowledge really change man’s fate? Who controls our fate? Can parents change their children’s fate? Afterward, I read Almighty God said, “The fate of man is controlled by the hands of God. You are incapable of controlling yourself: Despite always rushing and busying about for himself, man remains incapable of controlling himself. If you could know your own prospects, if you could control your own fate, would you still be a creature?” “What occupation one pursues, what one does for a living, and how much wealth one amasses in life are not decided by one’s parents, one’s talents, one’s efforts or one’s ambitions, but are predetermined by the Creator.

The fate of each one of us is up to God’s sovereignty and orders. We can’t control our own fate, and likewise we can’t change others’ fate either. Children’s fate isn’t decided by their talent, efforts or ambitions, nor depends upon their parents’ will, much less knowledge. What job one does, and how much wealth one possesses are also determined by God. It reminded me of my own experience. I studied hard and managed to enter a normal university I dreamed of. I thought I would become a teacher after graduation and have a promising future. Unexpectedly, after several twists, my dream didn’t come true after leaving school, so I had to run a small tutorial class for a living. Take one of my classmates for an example. She entered a university which was admired by other people. We thought she would definitely have a good job and a promising future after graduation. However, there is always a gap between dream and reality. She didn’t find an ideal job and finally, she had to make a living by selling costumes. There are also many people who entered prestigious universities or even studied abroad, but didn’t find a good job in the end. On the contrary, there are a lot of people who succeed with low education. These countless facts prove that knowledge can’t change our fate. What job man does in his life and what his fate is have been determined by God long ago. Only God controls the fate of each of us.

Through God’s words and facts, I truly realized that each one’s fate isn’t determined by his cultural knowledge. It is unrealistic to attempt to change our fate by knowledge and it is foolish to do so. This is just Satan’s scheme to harm us, which makes us disobey God’s sovereignty and arrangement, oppose God and live in pain. Only when we come before God, worshiping Him and obeying His sovereignty and arrangements, and commit our children into God’s hands, can we be truly released and free. At the same time, our children will live happy and relaxed. This is the true love for them. All the glory be to God!

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